Why The Hell Do I Feel Like This?

I still think about James. Every Day. All Day. There's a void. I feel guilt. I wish I hadn't neglected my friend. I wish he hadn't let me neglect him.
I have tried to fill up the hole with a number of different things- it's not going to work. I will keep filling. I will keep trying. It's not going to work.
I don't have the energy to keep trying things to mend the pain.
My efforts seem to be falling short in everything. I need to find success in something.

I wish I didn't feel like this.

Battle of the Sexes

So I've noticed something lately, and it makes me wonder:
Why when I hike do I end up all funky and musky smelling, but ladies seem to maintain their sweet delicate smell?
It's pretty much universal- when I pass a lady on the trail, she smells as sweet as the air inside a candy shop. But as soon as that smell dilutes, it's back to me marinating in my own sweaty nastiness.

It isn't fair! *begin tantrum*

Stale

I've been in a funk a bit lately.
Perhaps I have bruised my mojo somewhere along the line.
Maybe I'm suffering from clinical depression.
Maybe I have realized that the hill is indeed a downward trip from here.
Most likely I have overspent my take and need to contribute a bit more to the give.
I think that I need to rebalance and regain the things that seem to be missing, the spark, the catalyst, the muse.