Last Post...

...of the year. #50 here at the new R&R


And what a year it has been.

I have learned so much about the people around me. While I don't think I've figured out life's mysteries, I certainly feel more enlightened and informed by the chance to live such an eventful life.

Thanks to everyone who helped me through some rough and tumble times. And thanks to those who trusted me with your deepest, darkest secrets.

See you all on the other side...

Decade Drama

Dear everyone who is celebrating the end of the decade:
That's next year.
Due to the fact that there wasn't actually a year Zero, the tenth year was... wait for it..... 10.
So the beloved 200x decade ends at the end of the 2010 calendar year.
So all of these Rolling Stone 'Best of the Decade' lists are a bit premature.

Then again, RS has been known to have a bit of a hair-trigger. Lightweights.

However, centuries and millennia are appropriately celebrated as the counter rolls over another digit.
Y2k was a good one, I spent that night sitting on the steps of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco.

(I wanted to be close to a church- just in case.) Nothing happened other than a sweet fireworks show at the Embarcadero.
10 before that, I was on a dark cold street in the south end of Utah County, burning illegal incendiary devices and demolishing garbage cans. I didn't know it at the time, but my life as I had known it- for the entire 4 years of my post-adolescent life- was in the process of changing. Quickly and permanently. Friends and family were shifting, changing. Priorities and focus were being modified, the 90s were here, and the strangest, most difficult times of my life were close at hand.

Just reflecting: None of my grandparents lived through a century or millennial passing, but I've lived through both.
Yet another thing I don't have in common with them.

Aspirations 2009

When I grow up, I want to be a big fat lazy piece of shit douchebag that blames everyone else for my problems and can't take any responsibility for anything I do.
I will call in to work sick as often as possible. I will use the slightest discomfort to drive me into bed, for days at a time, while I chow down on pain pills and make everyone get me stuff.
My world will be about me, and everyone else is in it to serve my own personal drama.

The End.

Missed Opportunities

I love live music. Almost every kind of live music. except Country.

And Charlotte Church and Celine Dion, but that's all a different story.

This year I've been soooo close to seeing a bunch of great bands, but have missed the chance by a few inches or hours.

I had the chance this summer to see, over a 3 day period:
Tool
The Killers
Lou Reed
Snoop Dogg
Andrew Bird
TV on the Radio
Of Montreal
Silversun Pickups
Airborne Toxic Event
Kaiser Chiefs
Gomez
Neko Case
among almost a billion others

Missed them all. Darn work. And $400 plane ticket change fees. And $350 hotel rooms.

But I did see Depeche Mode, Fleet Foxes and Band of Horses.

Obviosity

Feeling a bit hit over the head with a 'WooHoo let's party' message

Black Eyed Peas- opening for U2 in Las Vegas 10-23-2009

First song: "Let's Get It Started" Hahaha I get it, it's a little winky winky joke to the listeners.

6 or 8 more songs, most of which were forgettable.

Last song: The latest hit single "I Gotta Feeling"

'That tonight's gonna be a good night...'

Repeat 'good night' over and over until we can't even see anymore due to the bruises on our heads.

Their set could have been summarized as follows:

"Started"
Fergie is a skank
Will has bad shades
Dancing boom-boxes
40 minutes of cotton candy pseudo-soul
"Good Night"


Goodnight.

Vampyr

So. There's a bumload of talk these days about 'Sexiest Vampires' and 'Best Vampires' of all time and other such nonsense.

I'm jumping on the vampire rating bandwagon and offering my own list. You'll find nobody named Edward, Buffy, Lestat or Angel here, I've stuck to the hardcore, not-quite-so-pretty vamps.
Well, there's some pretty boys, but not pretty like Angel.

Top 10 Vampires of all time:
#10: Max Shreck- Shadow of the Vampire. Willem Defoe. Awesome treatment of 'Nosferatu.'


#9: David- The Lost Boys. Before he became Jack Bauer, Keifer was a sweet vampyr.


#8: Count von Count- Sesame Street. Scary and educational at the same time. Beat that!


#7: Count Orlok- Nosferatu. Pretty much started the genre. And is still a good watch.


#6: Count Dracula- Nosferatu the Vampyre. A lesser known but finely done flick. Check it out.


#5: Count Dracula- Horror of Dracula. Saruman as Dracula. Woohoo!


#4: Count Dracula- Bram Stoker's Dracula. Gary Oldman kicking daywalker butt. Awesome.


#3: Count Dracula as portrayed by Bela Lugosi. Holy crap. I saw this one when I was a youngster, and it scarred (scared?) me for life.


#2: John- The Hunger. David Bowie. Bauhaus. Susan Sarandon. A life-changing movie.



And the #1 vampire of all time:

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Count Chocula.


Don't argue. You know it's true.

Art Nerves

I've spent a lifetime backstage at events: sporting events, concerts, plays, festivals, etc

The environment behind the scenes of any event can be very tense. 'Is anybody going to show up?' 'Will I remember the words?' 'I hope that horse doesn't buck me off during the gun battle again' and such. Musicians are usually very calm about their experiences. Actors are less mellow- they often explode in furies of emotional chaos that could make an insane asylum look normal. Nevertheless every performer is unique, so my generalizations are weak at best. Just observations.

The one thing that I've always cherished about the experience of doing live performances is the 'house open' half hour, where you've finished all the preparations, all the elements are in place, people are getting into their costumes/performance clothes and the audience is filing in.
This is also usually when the food is provided and the paychecks are handed out.

I've seen musicians with pretty crazy pre-show rituals, everything from substance abuse to yoga. From vocal exercises to jogging.
Actors also have rituals and routines. Bonding exercises with fellow performers, stretching, meditation and medication.
Technicians usually use the time to make out with each other or have farting contests (in the case of amateurs/beginners) or balance their checkbooks, check email, call home and talk to the kids, do some auto maintenance, etc. (professionals/more experienced.)
My own ritual is simple. I find a way to detach from the chaos of life and get into a zone where nothing exists but the show. Sometimes I do this by watching the sunset. Sometimes I go into a dark room and do breathing exercises. Occasionally I listen to some music or watch a video. Usually though, I self-hypnotize as I walk to my work position. In an amphitheater I finish my onstage checks and head up to the control position. By the time I'm in position, I am tranced out to the point of being able to focus singly on the performance at hand. I've seen pictures and video of me working in which I was not behaving as I do in real life, nor did I remember having the pictures taken. Very strange at best.

OK. The catalyst for this rambling rubbish was this:

I've dealt with performing artists forever, but not traditional artists. You know- painters, sculptors, visual artists. The other day I was lucky enough to work on a project with a couple of very talented visual artists. We did the installation and things were going well. As I cleaned up, I felt a very familiar sensation. That old feeling that the 'house is going to open in 15 minutes' and I needed to clean up, get out of the way, eat some food and prepare for the performance. The funny thing is, the artists had nervousness and rituals very similar to the things I have seen countless times before.

Art is art, regardless of the medium.

Black and White

It's not a matter of true or false.
It's not a decision between right and wrong.
It's not good vs. evil.
It's simply a matter of integrity.

Painting anything as something it is not is a deliberate act of deception.
Passively allowing millions of people to believe something that you know isn't true is lying.
Even worse, encouraging those people to defend you from attackers is so incredibly twisted.

When everything you stand for is inflated, and incorrect. And you know it, yet you continue to perpetuate the old story. I guess you don't want to jeopardize your income and that of so many of your friends and family members.

How do you sleep at night?

Eventually it will all be exposed.

10 months

Just what are they so miffed about?
That 40 million Americans with zero health insurance will now have a doctor like a normal 1st world nation?
Are they pissed that their insurance companies can't deny them coverage for a pre-existing condition anymore?
Or are they just mad because their party lost the battle?
They can't be mad at the 900 billion dollar price tag over 10 years...considering these teabaggers didn't say a peep when Bush invaded the wrong damn country and cost us twice that amount, right?
Naw, I think their guy lost last November, and they're just a bunch of sore losers.
And it obviously chaps their hide to see the graceful winners get right to work and pass, in 10 months, against substantial resistance, a piece of legislation that most Americans find themselves favoring.
I have avoided gloating for exactly one year now. That time has ended. My guy won, and he was a good choice. The American way of life will be better for the strong, bold movements and actions taken by President Obama and the 111th Congress.

An Open Letter to U2

Fully plagiarized, cut and pasted from a post on www.atU2.com by BenHur1999.

I just happen to agree, more than I can possibly express with my own words.

An open letter to U2.

Here's the deal.

You've been doing this for a while & you are very good at what you do.
I've been to a number of your concerts and love them.
Now I assume that you are aware of the numerous requests for you to vary your set.
And I respect your creative decision, up until now, to take a different approach.

I realise that since ZooTV, your shows have been more like broadway shows. With planned 'movements' and themes.
BUT and here's the rub.

If the U2 Live show wants to remain a hot ticket for the next 10 years.
Things have to change. Why?
Because the world has changed.

Zoo TV, Popmart & Elevation, 95% of people who went to a U2 concert had to wait until the DVD of the tour came out if they were to get an another perspective on the tour.

Now, more and more people will know your exact moves before they arrive.
If this is the case. I reckon the next world tour you do will end up being your last.

Why? No element of surprise.
Now let's face it. You have done everything you can to surprise us with the staging of this tour. It is incredibly ambitious. But where do you go from here?
Back to Arenas? nup, you did that with elevation. Worked well then. Predictable now. You could try to go bigger. But really it will start to get ridiculous.


So, to maintain interest. You need a new approach.

I know it may be very difficult for you as a band.
But what you need to do is SACK Willie Williams.

Williams is a genius. Don't get me wrong.
But once you have Williams and a whole team of creative directors.
The creativity of U2 is no longer necessary.

You don't feel you have to be creative.
So what happens?
You get lazy.
Or you work really really hard on your set-pieces.
And you pull off a brilliant show that can be taken around the world.
But with Youtube, instant access, more and more people who buy tickets to U2, will take a peek at what the tour is like.
And when the rest of the world see you are doing the same thing, night after night.
You're game is up.

But here's my prediction:

if this is not U2's last world tour,
U2360 will be the last world tour U2 will be able to 'get away with' a set-piece-show, and still draw the crowds. It will mark the end of a 19 year tradition for the band.

If they keep doing a set-standardized-show, they will be in a Vegas equivalent contract very, very soon.


1989 you went away and 'dreamed it all up again'. You reinvented your songs, your music your approach to life, you made a brilliant stage show. And you have reinvented your music a number of times since then.

BUT

You now (for the first time in your career - a bit risky I know!) reinvent your approach to playing together live.

You need to spend a year NOT recording an album.
But playing your entire back catalogue, together as a band.
Learn to be bit impromptu as a band,
Learn to be able to scribble a setlist out in the dressing room.

Be the first band that can fill stadiums AND be different every night without relying on a Willie Williams magician.


learn to be able to pull off any song (within Bono's vocal range) at the drop of a hat.
It will be hard.
But it will be worth it.

U2 shows will once again have a buzz about them.
They will no longer be known for themed sections of the show, but for the uniqueness of each individual show.

Now, you say, this only appeals to the hard core fans.

Perhaps. But don't under value your hard-core fans, they are the only people you can guarentee (for the time being) will actually turn up to your concerts.

If you lose your fan-base, you've lost your tour.

U2 are not beyond their ability to generate a buzz, create mystique and fill stadiums.

But they have to work really hard on lifting their live game.

If the adrenalin is pumping because they are about to play Last Night on Earth and straight into Heartland, followed by a sped-up version of Pride. That won't be too bad will it.



They need to get the fans to do the promo for them.

You have so many fans, that they can mobilise for PR.
If the set-list is changing every night, there will be a buzz, because fans will want to chat again.
And when millions of global U2 fans chat.
U2 comes back.
Mystique is regained.
The world is a better place.


Come on U2.
Stop songwriting and start playing properly.
Don't outsource your creativity.
Come on U2. Do it.

Stein!

Thus sayeth the Walla

Random

I just thought I'd post something.

Things are crazy. Busy. The pace of this year has served to wear me out. I'm gonna need some winter rejuvenation time.

I'm going out this weekend to see a concert or two and to work on a tribute for a famous entertainer who passed away this year.

Time to head for work.

Rock On!

They Played My Song!

I publish this knowing the considerable risk of being called a fanboy or groupie...

I was lucky enough to go see a concert in Chicago last weekend. I've been saving up and hoping my work schedule didn't prevent it for months now.
Well, as of Wednesday night, I was able to clear all little conflicts and pull the proverbial trigger.

We flew all day, landed in the Windy City just in time to change our shoes and head on over to the gig.
We hung out outside the gate, watching the band arrive:


And a little thing it was. 200 tons of lighting, audio, video and effects equipment dangling over an 80 foot round stage.

So as we wander the floor, my lovely wife hooks us up with passes for the center section. WOOHOO!



This was our view of Snow Patrol. It was cool. I got to stand behind all the Snow Patrol audio and stage crew off the side of the stage, watching them do all the stuff that I (sometimes) do at work. Approx. 4 songs into Snow Patrol's set, I decide that the whole trip is already worth it. I don't know how things could get any better.... Unless perhaps U2 play my song....

A little backstory: I have been a U2 fan for over 25 years now... I've been waiting most of that time to hear my favorite U2 song live (the song is called 'Bad') I saw the Vertigo tour shows several years ago more than once. In fact, I saw it 4 times in 4 states. Hoping. Nope. Although in Denver I would have seen/heard it if I had stayed for the second night. Grrrrrrr.

We are pretty close, but not in the crush of being down front. We get numerous (I mean 20+ close encounters with the band (the Mrs is particularly happy to have made eye contact with Mr. The Edge more than once.)



So the concert is going along, and I'm having a great time, not expecting much, but I see one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen:


Show cruising along, I'm still hoping to hear it. Things start winding down. Certain things happen that almost preclude the playing of the song I'm here to hear. I give up, decide to walk to the back to take a few pictures. As we walk up the stairs..... I squeal like a rusty hinge and head back into the pit. This is the vantage point I was able to secure:



So then.... The show ended. Things were good.

I should sometime tell you about night #2....

Coincidences

I've noticed lately a disturbing trend:
It seems like when I see someone that either annoys me or attracts me, that person will be a major factor in my short term life experience.
An example: I can't count the number of times that I have seen a family or person in an airport that annoy me: a family of uppity high-maintenance ski people... They get in my way in the ticket line. I can barely hold back my disgust as they butt into the security line in front of me. They end up taking 30 chairs at the departure gate, and eat stinky food (think Cin a Bon or something with extra onions.) The same family ends up sitting around me on the plane, being generally obnoxious- wrinkling wrappers, whiny kids and the poor tortured mother trying to keep everyone happy. Believe it or not- they are usually the people, 2000 miles away from home, that try to snag my bag. Arrrrgh.
Or what about the lady that gets on the parking shuttle in her obnoxious rayon leopard print shirt? Holds up both the ticket and the security lines. Takes half an hour to decide what kind of burrito to order, ends up right in front of me on a plane and LEANS BACK HER SEAT!!!! After trying to avoid her at the other end, she barrels through me to get her zebra print luggage off the roller before I can get mine.
Here's a completely true story that happened the other day:
I was approaching a parking spot at Costco. Suddenly, a minivan comes screeching around the corner, almost hits me and races toward the door. A person jumps out and hurries to the door of the store. Meanwhile I calmly exit my vehicle and walk inside.
The person from the minivan suddenly realizes that she has forgotten her purse, so she runs loudly to the van (which is blocking my walking path) and gets her purse, wallet, shopping list and the Costco mailer ad.
She hustles into the store. I think to myself: "That person is in such a hurry, I'd be willing to bet we have several issues here.
Sure enough. In walking around the store, this lady is stomping and grunting from sale item to sale item with all the grace and finesse of a stampeding herd of water buffalo.
I get some bread- here she comes- a high-speed, u-turning mission to pick up the sale muffins.
I go to find some paper towels, she screeches up behind me and nearly plows me over while picking up some cat food.
When I escape to the frozen food area, I can hear the distinctive tromping of her pseudo-designer shoes, coming to cut me off, to u-turn in front of me and then stop suddenly.
After no less than 5 near-death experiences, she finally races off to the checkstand. Wow. barely survived that one...

So what is it? Why do I have repeated encounters with the people who bother me the most?
I do have the same thing occasionally with people that I like or don't bother me. But usually it is people that make me craaaaaaazy.

Coincidence or cosmic conspiracy?

Helloooooo?

The silence in here is deafening.

I feel like I am shouting into the forest. Nobody answers, yet I know you're out there.

Any subject requests?

What will it take?

I'll tapdance (or breakdance) if it sparks a little interchange of ideas.


Wake up people!

I'm An Addict

I am a Junkie.
But I don't ride the white horse.

I am a Tweaker.
But I don't crack the crystal.

I am a Stoner.
But I never inhale.

I am a Drunk.
But I don't overindulge.

I am a Caffeine Lover.
But I don't touch the stuff.

I am a Speed Demon.
But am always tired, never wired.

I am an Ecstasy Enthusiast.
But haven't ever touched it.

I am a Hopeless Romantic.
But all people see it that I am cold and aloof.

I am not what I seem.
I have control of these demons.
But sometimes the tigers show through my thin skin.
I fear that people fear me.

My obsessions take over me.
My focus is narrow.
My vision is shallow.
The visions are returning.
I can see the future.
I can't forget the past.
And things are just as they should be.

Soundtracking

I spend most of my time listening to music, I have blogged about it several times...
My favorite thing to do with any extra time I have is to play songs that match up to the activity I am pursuing: calm music can make a calm activity very meaningful, and a band such as The Sisters of Mercy can make a motorcycle ride more than it was before. I also like to listen to contrasting stuff: I'll go to the sand dunes, and while surrounded by mullet-headed hessians, listen to The Thompson Twins or Duran Duran (in my headphones of course, I don't have a death wish.) There's nothing quite like carving up a gnarly bowl while listening to Pearly Dew Drops' Drops.
But the best moments are gathered while alone, either hiking or cycling. The lyrics of the songs cut deeply, burrowing into my mind as I travel around. Lyrics combine with real life events, bringing clarity, messages and memories pouring out. Vivid images take shape, my mind races and I gain clarity and strong understanding of my place in the world.

Morning Trek

6am. Short Drive.
Walk, Stretch.
Hit the hill.
Bowie on the headphones, drowning out the tinnitus.
Walking, straining, pulling up the slope.
Resting, gasping, sip some liquid.
The crunching of rock under my feet only audible between songs.
Hit the top. Sit at the top.

Rest. Descend.
Buckley on the headphones.
Sweat dripping, drowning out the songs.
Knees shaky, Aches building.
Lean for support.
Slow down.
Blinding shots of pain and weakness.
Lean on the car.
Sit down, drive back.

Bloggeroni

Yeah, I'm a slacker.

But I'm posting here now, so HA! This is sure to be pretty random.

What kind of person expects respect when he dies, when in life he was a strange deplorable person?
The King of Pop of course.

If a person has 'friends' that are such good 'friends' that they won't show up to a party if he/she is there, are they 'friends' at all?

How many licks does it take to get to the center?

Are We Ourselves?

Is there anything wrong with a grown (ha) adult self-identifying with a species of wild animal more than a homosapien?

Who are you? Ooh ooh, ooh ooh

Opening Night

Wow, my head is spinning.



Please don't ever say I didn't give you anything. Especially when that something might be 128 MB in size.

Save or stream.

HERE WE GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

June 30, 2009.

Gadgetry

Oh how I love technological devices.
As some of you may know, I have a fetish for hard drives, computers, music playback devices and phones.

My new phone, the device on which I composed this post.


Palm Pre. Drool, drool. Lust, lust.

Cookie Trauma x 100

Last fall, I posted on the old blog a post about the demise of my favorite cookies.
This evening, I was informed of their return: the local store has them ON SALE!!!!

So we head on over to the place, high-tail it to the junk food aisle and........


AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


So I think 'Maybe there is another display up front.' (I'm sometimes a brilliant detective, I should have followed in the steps of my hero Joe Albertson and pursued a career in the retail management arts.)

Yeah. The front display was about the same. Only bigger.


Which left me feeling a bit bummed out.

Photo Phun 2

More Pictures of my travels and adventures:

Chicago Hotel Room 5/09


View from my hotel window of the building across the street- Chicago


Camping with Baby David 5-09


Snow on April 25. Grrrrr


Some redneck hauling a tree around the neighborhood



Closing of the Manhattan Virgin Megastore. I have purchased many many things here over the years, including Midge Ure's Move Me, The Velvet Underground's White Light, White Heat and the reissue of The Joshua Tree


Times Square at 11pm on a Saturday- Recession style. Where are all the people???


Sand Mountain 3-2009


Off the backside. I need to get over there and get in some riding, it looks far too virginal to be left undisturbed.


My trendy hair. FauxHawk 2009


High above the arena floor in Las Vegas. MGM Grand Garden.


My MGM show- blurry goodness


Kung Fu Hamster, as seen on TV


That's it for now. Questions? Comments?

Response to Porter to a very long ago comment

So I'm very slow in publishing this, which was written in reply to a comment on this blog post.

In response to your comment:
I don't feel judged. Anything but that. You are capable of real discussion about this topic without becoming swamped in emotion and hyperbole, regardless of your personal views on the topic(s) at hand.
As you surmised, my divergence from the Mormon church took place some time ago. (Many years, I'm not going to get too specific here, just wanting to let you know that it took place some time ago and happened very quickly- not related to the mission thing whatsoever.)
As I went through life for several years without fully processing, analyzing and moving past the issues I had with the church, I realized I had some big issues that needed to be resolved. Some of these I've been wrestling for over 30 years.
To grow up being taught that one thing is 'everything' - now and forever- and then to find that it isn't. It takes a long process to work through the steps of getting out.
Some have compared this process to the Kubler-Ross model of grieving. It took me many years to get past the first step of the process, which is denial. Now I'm in the angry phase. The rest of the process will go more quickly. I hope. I don't have 60 years to invest in the healing process.
If the church works for you, please participate in it. But be aware that no church or any organization has a corner on the market of morality, decent living, loving the neighbor, goodwill or anything else that many LDS seem to think is exclusive to the Mormon faith. I've been asked, both directly and indirectly: "How can you make moral and good choices without being an active member?" The answer is simple, and it may be surprising to some, but being a decent, moral person feels much more natural and effortless being on 'this side' without the church looking over my shoulder for every decision. For example: I'll never be asked to 'Lie for the Lord' ever again, nor will I be pressured into donating money to a cause I may disagree with- and if the pressure comes, I can stand under my own power and defend my position.
I am very glad that you have 'carved out your own place' in the church. That is great, because I think you are strong and intelligent enough to stand up for yourself if the going gets tough.
You seem like the kind of guy who a) smites fear into the gospel doctrine teachers because of your advanced debate and discussion skills- and b) never gets to teach the gospel doctrine class, because the bishop fears what you might say. Here's something I must say to that: You are not alone. There are thousands of people who don't believe 100% that stay somewhat attached to the church for a variety of reasons, and that's OK.
There's a place in Mormonism for everyone, from the most devout believer through the most bitter anti-Mormon. There are dozens of definitions that people use to describe the level of activity and/or belief in the church:
More active: TBM (True Believing Mormon) or Iron Rod Mormon- people that believe in the literal truth of every doctrinal twist and turn of Mormon theology.
Apologists- a group of people that might know about some of the disputed elements of the doctrine, or the historical issues- but use every mind-bending bit of logic-defying energy they have to defend and promote the church as a perfect (or nearly perfect) group.
In the middle, we have the Social or Liahona Mormon- believes some of the doctrine, but not everything. Sticks around because it is socially convenient to do so, or uses the church as a 'compass.' Semi liberal about their beliefs, but still consider themselves members.
The Cafeteria (or Buffet) Mormon takes what they like from the arrangement of doctrinal offerings, leaving the rest sitting under the heatlamps.
Sunstone/Dialogue Mormons are the intellectuals- they read all the history, they know all of the dirty dark secrets. Most of them probably own a hardbound copy of the Journal of Discourses and have actually read it. Despite their knowledge of the details, they still believe for whatever reason. There are a whole bunch of BYU humanities faculty that fit this description. They are active, recommend holding members that believe the doctrine, but could discuss in detail at the drop of a hat: Joseph Smith's multiple wives- including the polyandry, Brigham Young's racist speeches, the time Lorenzo Snow spent in jail for polygamy, or the church's position on ERA, abortion, Prop. 8, beards on men and multiple ear piercings on women.
New Order Mormons generally don't believe most or all of the doctrine, but continue to attend for a variety of reasons. Sometimes caller 'Foyer Mormons', these people accompany their parents, spouses, children and siblings to church- often to 'keep up appearances' and often to 'keep the peace.'
Paper Mormons- these are people who are largely gone, but their names remain on the church records. Some of these kinds of members are inactive, drink, smoke, enjoy coffee- yet when someone asks them, they define themselves as LDS, even so much as to defend the church and its leaders.
Then we have the other extreme: the PostMormons- mostly resigned, excommunicated, etc- but still working through their loss and the change in their life. Often PostMos offer their advice and knowledge to people who are newly considering leaving.
ExMormons are the same as the PostMos, but a bit more cynical. Less forgiving to the church leaders and the faults of the organization.
And then we have the AntiMormons. these people are usually evangelical extremists that think the Mormon dogma is so wrong that it must be replaced by another version of the same dogma. Kinda like an argument on what is the better color: blue or green.

So to wrap this up- there are tons of places for different types of people in and around the church. I have mine, it is somewhere toward the bottom of that list... But it is ever-changing.
I feel the need to vent this information, to take a public stand. Both for my own recovery and to offer assistance/dialogue/awareness to my friends and family that might need this information.
It hurts me very badly to see people, intelligent people, follow the LDS church when it is so clearly not what it claims to be. Simple academic research can prove that the leaders are and were lying about things.
Being physically embedded in Mo-Town has been a huge factor in my staying quiet for so long. But now integrity, honesty and relieving frustration are more important than remaining silent. Am I happy about it? No. Right now I'm still angry. And I'm screaming my lungs out. But this will pass. I will find my happy place.
There is no 'simply walking away.' It is impossible.

Obsessions

I love cheesecake
I dream about bike rides in the mountains
Sometimes my thoughts dwell on food of all kinds
Gadgetry and gizmos make me happy
Books and literature make my brain feel good
But more than anything
I am always on the prowl for new record stores
There has to be something in the dusty shelves that I don't own yet, and I am willing to hunt it down.

I am obsessed with music more than anything. Really. It is sometimes kind of pathetic.

I almost always have music playing in the back (or fore) ground of wherever I hang out- car, work, home, airplanes, motorcycles, etcetcetc.

I don't even know how many stereo systems we have at the house- the number I'm sure is pretty obscene. But I need to have them all over in order to facilitate my soundtracking of every life event.

Part of my obsession is listening to new purchases repeatedly. Dozens of times. I pick out a few tunes that I like and completely soak myself in them. I listen to tracks in album order, out of order, singles, repeats, etc. I soak them up, and then file it away on a shelf for future consumption when my needs call for it.


As a subset obsession to my music fetish, I love love LOVE LOVE LOVE U2. I've been a huge fan since right around the time that War came out in 1983. I heard "Sunday Bloody Sunday" on KRSP (Rock 103) and really liked what I heard. It turned out that my cousin had a tape. we jammed it for days.


In March of 1987, I bought "The Joshua Tree' on cassette- skipped school to go to a record store and pick it up the morning of release. After listening to it 10 or more times a day for a month, the tape was tired, worn out, and just plain damaged. So I replaced it- hoping for better luck with the second one. It also died in 6 weeks. So I bought the CD. I didn't have a CD player, but I had friends that could make me copies. Still have the CD. Several others also.

I took a bit of a break from my obsession for most of the 1990s- the stuff they were releasing wasn't interesting to me at the time- although I don't mind it now.

It's pretty unhealthy. I listen to U2 almost all the time, I travel to concerts, my collection contains almost (not quite all) every song they've released- almost 600 to date. I've been known to purchase rare items on ebay. But I don't think It has reached the point of imbalance. Yet.

I'm going to be heading out into the desert this fall to locate the tree. I have a 'treasure map' that shows approximately where it is located in Death Valley.

I also plan on hitting several other U2 specific sites around the world in the next few years- we'll see if it happens.

But most importantly:
concert season is here.

A slippery slope? How about fairness and equality?

Well, I have been rejoicing for a couple of weeks, since the Iowa Supreme Court overturned a discriminatory marriage law (Section 595.2) and gave all couples, regardless of gender, the ability to be married in Iowa.
It seems that despite being a very conservative state, Iowans support equality and fairness to all people. It is written into their constitution, and when considering upholding or striking down the marriage exclusion bill, the court had no choice but to find the law unconstitutional.
(read the text of the court's decision here)
An excerpt from the decision: "Iowa Code section 595.2 is unconstitutional because the County has been unable to identify a constitutionally adequate justification for excluding plaintiffs from the institution of civil marriage. A new distinction based on sexual orientation would be equally suspect and difficult to square with the fundamental principles of equal protection embodied in our constitution."
In the days following this action in Iowa, the District of Columbia City Council voted unanimously to recognize same gender marriages performed elsewhere. Also, Vermont's legislature stood up to a gubernatorial veto on same-gender marriage- making their law the first in the country that has not involved legal action.
I know this is not the end of the chaos surrounding these laws, rather it is the beginning. I'm sure that the US Supreme Court is watching these measures and others like them (including California's Proposition 8) and preparing for the upcoming challenges and appeals.

It's just a matter of time people, and when it happens, society as we know it WILL NOT cease to exist. The only thing that will change is that all citizens and residents of the United States will be able to make a lifetime commitment to the adult partner of their choice.
I'm looking forward to being able to tell my grandchildren that I remember weeping with joy the day the tide turned. I remember how it used to be when our laws prevented all people from equal treatment. And I remember standing with all my friends, gay and straight, to celebrate the day it all changed. Oh yes, we will celebrate. Consider this your warning. Perhaps the uberconservatives will label our celebrations as the 'downfall of traditional society' or whatever, but I'm gonna party like CRAAAAAAAzy.
You see, the funny thing is, I have nothing personal to gain from this. I'm straight, married, and not particularly attracted to people of my same gender. But I'm pissed off that my country won't allow all people to act as responsible adults and make decisions for themselves. And I'm sick and tired of my friends and family members feeling devalued by society- sometimes being driven to suicide, drug abuse and other self-destructive behavior. It is wrong, and the clock is ticking.
Opponents of gay marriage always seem to fall back on a couple of arguments, which I will now address:
1) Homosexuality is immoral, therefore allowing homosexual marriages degrades the institution of marriage.
WHAT? leap of logic. There are plenty of heterosexual people that engage in every bit of the 'immoral' behavior that some homosexuals enjoy. Should those people be denied the right to marry as well? Who conducts the morality interviews? And who exactly gets to write the morality laws for the rest of the populace?
2) Gay marriage threatens the sanctity of marriage.
Again, I can't see a link. At all.
3) Homosexuals can't raise 'normal' children, their children will probably be damaged, broken and *gasp* gay.
Actually, the American Academy of Pediatrics found that "...there is no systematic difference between gay and nongay parents in emotional health, parenting skills, and attitudes toward parenting. No data have pointed to any risk to children as a result of growing up in a family with 1 or more gay parents..." (study link)
4) It's a slippery slope. Allowing gay marriage to change the definition of marriage will lead to people marrying children and barnyard animals. Where will it end?
Where will it end? Very simple: Consenting adults. Gays aren't looking to marry children or goats any more than straight people.
5) Why should gays get special rights and protections?
Special rights? You've got to be kidding me. The General Accounting Office of the US Federal Government found (in 2004, under Republican President George W. Bush) that there are 1138 benefits, rights and privileges that are given to straight married people that can not be given to people who are unmarried. Coupled with the Defense of Marriage Act (1996) that defines marriage as between one man and one woman, and homosexuals are automatically denied these rights. Silly little things like end-of-life decisions, tax advantages, Social Security, pensions, insurance benefits, next-of-kin status, etc.

I'm done ranting. The winds have changed, and I thought I'd gloat a bit.

All it takes...

...to make sense of all the confusing, cloudy doctrine and policies is to consider for a moment that it might- might- be something other than it claims.
All it takes is to step back one little baby step, take a deep breath and do the following:
take off your MoGoggles and set them down on the table. They'll be right there if you need them again. Look at all the chaotic elements of the church with the assumption that he made it up.
If you do this with a clear conscience, a fair amount of critical reasoning and an open heart, you will certainly see the truth.
The various accounts of the first vision, the numerous attempts to sell the Book of Mormon, the near 100% loss of church leadership over 'the principle' - all these things can be clearly explained by the following statement: Joseph Smith Jr. fabricated the revelations, visions and doctrine of the early church. All of it. There was no restoration (this is an easy one... If this is Christ's restored church, why aren't Mormons Jewish?)
There was absolutely not any kind of divine guidance in the actions of Brother Joseph, he did what he did for personal gain.
Suddenly the vanishing evidence of massive battles makes sense. Of course it can vanish- it never existed. DNA science has proven that the Native Americans are not the 'Lamanites' spoken of in the BofM. The Book of Abraham was not translated from the manuscripts that Smith claimed. All of these things and more are troublesome to members of the church, and for good reason. You're given one version of the story as fact, but the evidence piles up to the contrary. Just step back for a second and consider that it might not be true. Just for a minute. The evidence is overwhelming that it's fraudulent.
It's that easy.

I can go into extreme detail. I can cite primary sources and timelines that are 'approved.' The church's own websites hold the information to show that JS was a fraud.

Numerous church leaders have given us the clues: it's either all right or all wrong. It either happened or this is a fraud. Black and white. All or nothing. I'll present that since it isn't all of what it claims to be, then it is completely false. *

Suddenly things come into focus.

*both Joseph Fielding Smith and Gordon B Hinckley were fond of making claims like this. I can cite sources if you'd like. Or you can find them for yourself.

My Exciting Evening

A Thought

Quote of the Day from Google 3-9-2009

Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.
- Eric Hoffer

Faux Pas

Alright, I'm certainly not a bastion of high fashion, but I think I dress fairly well, and I know when I see something that looks good on others. I also feel like I'm not incorrect when I determine something is foul on somebody else.

So I saw the most nasty, awful, disgusting, three-years-ago thing I've ever seen in my life.

Disclaimer: I was in Spanish fork due to the convenience of SF stores vs Springville stores during the big 400 South reconstruction project.

Now I love boots. I REALLY love some kinds of boots. Sexy boots are cool. Doc Martens are sweet. Combat boots are forever and always awesome. Even cowboy boots have their place and when worn properly, are very nice.
It seems that some people really look good in any kind of boots- my wife for example.
I'm quite excited that the current fashion trend for both men and women is big tall boots. I'm fashionable again!!
There is one brand of boots that I'm not particularly fond of. To avoid any kind of legal action, I'll call them Fuggs. They don't necessarily suck all the time, but rather in a general sort of way. These heinous creations have become such a fad that even Kmart, Payless and Walmart have their own crappy ripoffs (nickname FFuggs- Fake Fuggs.) Hint to the redneck fashionistas: if your product has cheap ripoffs in stock at the local megalomart, your trend might be a bit dated.
Anyway, I digress. This is what I saw at the store.



WHAT!!!?!?!?!? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Wouldn't the woolly cuffs leave chafing and a rash?

GAH! nastiness and disgusting foul blahfilled poostyle.
Ok, I'm done purging now.


















eew.

Nostalgia Scares Me

I spent some time in the old 'hood today.
A brief walk through the old neighborhood market was somewhat lame. The place was far smaller than I remember. But it still smells the same.
I actually was a customer at that store the day that it opened in 1980. We spent many hours prowling around the parking lot, morning noon and night.

The problem is: as I walked around the store, I felt that the people there were tired, old, snobbish and shallow. Except for the lady that let me cut in front of her cart o'plenty with my 3 items- she is cool. But seriously- I saw at least 20 people with checkbooks in hand. Do people still use checks?

Is this really where I come from? Do I really claim this place?
I found myself becoming apprehensive and wanting to run away screaming. So I did. calmly and quietly.

Now I'm faced with the stress of deciding what all this means, which is not unlike the dilemma I faced when adding friends to Facebook over the last year or so: I lose sleep over catching up with old acquaintances. I literally fear having to talk to people I haven't kept up with. I have a few dear friends that I've maintained contact with over the years- they are cool. But the people who are back on the scene are not necessarily welcome.
The biggest Facebook Phobia I have is mixing all my friends, work associates, family, etc into one pot. I have a bit of cross-pollination going on, and it really freaks me out. My lovely wife calls it 'Mixing the Pudding' and the concept terrifies me.

Roadie Food part 2

More catering glory from my roadie adventure.
I wasn't planning on doing this, but I've gotta memorialize the food thing before it slips my mind:


So dinner came around, and they have amazed me yet again: the theme is camp food:




What do we have here?
Tater salad. Yummy but risky.
Smores- dark chocolate. anyone have a campfire I can heat this thing on?
Rice Krispie treat full of trail mix
Cornbread muffin- splendid goodness.
Apple Crisp (spicy???- really spicy)

Things I passed over:
Breaded Catfish
Baked Beans
Cucumber and Onion salad
BBQ chicken
Cole Slaw
Corn on the Cob smothered in black pepper
Whipped butter

It's like a family reunion without the risk of bumblebees and rain.

And really strange to be doing it with co-workers.