Drive

I used to get things finished.
All my life I've had little lists of things to do- I think some people call them 'ToDo Lists' or something.
For many years I was able to organize these into a constant flow of things to... ermmmm.... do, and then actually get them done. Finished. Complete.
One day I took on a whole bunch of extra stuff. I've been playing catchup ever since.
What changed? I felt like I was responsible for adding value to the universe on behalf of my dead friends.
When my close friends decided to start keeling over, drowning, disappearing, shooting themselves, falling off cliffs and otherwise shuffling off this mortal coil, I felt like the best thing I could do in their memory was to give as much as possible to others.
I spend my time constantly giving my excess means and time to people and causes that might need it more than me. I do this in the memory of my lost friends.
It consumes me. And it means I'm constantly playing catch-up in all my commitments elsewhere.

So ultimately this proves to me one thing. I'm running. Running so hard and fast that I'll eventually collapse.
The question remains: Am I running from or running toward something?