I'm glad that is finally over

A very eventful month, to say the least.

I am strangely tuned, perked up at the coming life experiences. I'm not sure what these experiences are going to hold for me. I don't even know what these experiences are going to be.

When one loses a friend, it is painful. I've lost plenty under many different circumstances.
Somehow losing James has been more pointedly painful than anyone before. Probably because he was more of a peer than anyone I've lost before. I see my reflection in him and his influence is everywhere on all things I see and do.
I think that the ultimate result of this is yet to be determined, there are too many things happening and still unresolved in the healing process to know how it will end..

Maybe what bugs me is that I'm afraid that his fate could be mine, since our lives have been so parallel all these years. Somewhat divergent lately, but parallel nevertheless.
Maybe I don't want anyone to ever feel like this ever again. What can I do to help this never happen?
Maybe I wish that this whole thing had never happened and that we were back in the innocent time before.

For the first day or two I was overwhelmed, I am glad that I had things to do- had I been able to sit around and contemplate what was going on I probably would have been really sad and dysfunctionally upset. I still unfortunately had too much solo time and was alone too much- this caused me to go through many stages of grief and mourning- all of which are healthy- I just wish I never had to do this.
After the first couple days, we all did the viewing/funeral thing. It was a very cleansing experience- it felt so good to have a chance to see and mourn with all my friends and family. There were so many moving and powerful experiences that I couldn't possibly ever explain or articulate what they were. You're going to have to believe me. Or perhaps you were there and know what I'm talking about.
Since the funeral, things have gradually moved back toward normal. I still feel a constant aching and a sense of loss, the emptiness isn't going away. It's a little bit better, but I think about it all day every day. Maybe I should develop an addiction or habit to fill the hole.

I think that the heaviness of the first few days of the month weighed over the rest of things, which were overall quite positive and productive.
I have had success and productivity at work, the family is holding together and growing. Some exciting business prospects have appeared recently- this really excites me.
Yet all the relative goodness is balanced out by the events of the first few days of October. The month has been a neutral month at best.

Moving on, moving forward. Looking to the horizon for answers.