5 years ago, things changed forever. 4/29/2006
A Saturday night in Nevada created an unbelievable amount of chaos.
Standby for years of shockin', motorboatin', and hangin' out.
Flash it and stash it.
It's all passing before my eyes and my mind faster than I can comprehend. Flashes and stashes of memories. All kinds of good and bad. up, down, wrong, right, back, forth, to, fro.
It has taken me every bit of the last 1826 days to get to this point. And even then I can barely function most of the time.
I'm afraid I can only move on if I replace another unhealthy obsession with another.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
You Know What I Hate?
People that unfriend me without warning on FaceBook.
Bastards.
At least give me a chance to offend you one more time.
Bastards.
At least give me a chance to offend you one more time.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Random Restless
I'm itching to do something.
Hoping this post happens without any typos. Might be the first time all year.
My mind is racing. My head is pounding. My recent default activities are starting to bore me.
So I blog on Easter Eve from home.
Maybe I should make some holiday goodies. No. Fat people eat goodies.
Maybe I should watch a movie. No. I can't imagine a more boring way to spend an evening.
Maybe I should chuck pissed off birds at grinning green pigs. That's a better idea.
Out.
Hoping this post happens without any typos. Might be the first time all year.
My mind is racing. My head is pounding. My recent default activities are starting to bore me.
So I blog on Easter Eve from home.
Maybe I should make some holiday goodies. No. Fat people eat goodies.
Maybe I should watch a movie. No. I can't imagine a more boring way to spend an evening.
Maybe I should chuck pissed off birds at grinning green pigs. That's a better idea.
Out.
Drive
I used to get things finished.
All my life I've had little lists of things to do- I think some people call them 'ToDo Lists' or something.
For many years I was able to organize these into a constant flow of things to... ermmmm.... do, and then actually get them done. Finished. Complete.
One day I took on a whole bunch of extra stuff. I've been playing catchup ever since.
What changed? I felt like I was responsible for adding value to the universe on behalf of my dead friends.
When my close friends decided to start keeling over, drowning, disappearing, shooting themselves, falling off cliffs and otherwise shuffling off this mortal coil, I felt like the best thing I could do in their memory was to give as much as possible to others.
I spend my time constantly giving my excess means and time to people and causes that might need it more than me. I do this in the memory of my lost friends.
It consumes me. And it means I'm constantly playing catch-up in all my commitments elsewhere.
So ultimately this proves to me one thing. I'm running. Running so hard and fast that I'll eventually collapse.
The question remains: Am I running from or running toward something?
All my life I've had little lists of things to do- I think some people call them 'ToDo Lists' or something.
For many years I was able to organize these into a constant flow of things to... ermmmm.... do, and then actually get them done. Finished. Complete.
One day I took on a whole bunch of extra stuff. I've been playing catchup ever since.
What changed? I felt like I was responsible for adding value to the universe on behalf of my dead friends.
When my close friends decided to start keeling over, drowning, disappearing, shooting themselves, falling off cliffs and otherwise shuffling off this mortal coil, I felt like the best thing I could do in their memory was to give as much as possible to others.
I spend my time constantly giving my excess means and time to people and causes that might need it more than me. I do this in the memory of my lost friends.
It consumes me. And it means I'm constantly playing catch-up in all my commitments elsewhere.
So ultimately this proves to me one thing. I'm running. Running so hard and fast that I'll eventually collapse.
The question remains: Am I running from or running toward something?
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I've Seen It All
So I'm a bit of a music freak. I love music, old new, most types. My preference leans hard toward the nostalgic stuff- New Wave from the 1980s. That's what I grew up on, it was the soundtrack of my coming-of-age.
A short timeline:
I was into Michael Jackson and the top 40 of the day back in 1983 or so. The top 40 then was a strange mishmash of country, rock, new wave, prog-rock, rap and soul.
Somehow got a clue that I needed to hear this tune 'Tour de France'. I went to Musicland in the mall, the clerks didn't know anything about it, nor could they find it in their huge printed catalog (remember the big yellowbooks?)
A helpful customer pointed out that the song was by a band called 'Craftverk' he also let me know that the store actually had a 12" single in stock. So I bought it. Still have it.
That song was the bridge that showed me there was something more.
The actual song that changed my life was 'Bring on the Dancing Horses', but that's a story that has been told before. I'm thinking now about other things I heard around that time, mostly on KOHS: 'Love Vigilantes' 'Rise' 'South Central Rain' and a couple of strange tunes: 'E=MC2' and 'Medicine Show' by a strange band called Big Audio Dynamite. I knew there was some kind of famous guy in this band, but I didn't know who/how/why it mattered. B.A.D. quickly became one of my favorites.
Fast Forward about 9 years, I still loved B.A.D... Time to name my kids. The first boy was easy: Ian. That's the name of so many people I admire and respect.
The second came pretty easy as well. Mick Jones. (Actually he's Jon Mickay, but from birth intended to call him Mick- then he became Jon- although he still answers to Mick)
Mick Jones (that lives at my house) is 16 now.
Mick Jones (from The Clash, B.A.D. and Carbon/Silicon) is 55 now, a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for his work with The Clash, and still lives in London.
Mick was convinced to bring B.A.D. back to life to play some festivals this year. The first date announced was Coachella in California- The remainder of the US tour was merely 2 dates: LA and New York.
I got an email from someone close to the band (I'm on some mailing lists and have communicated with people involved with this group a few times over the years) that there were still a few tickets available for the NYC show on April 19, 2011.
I quickly counted up my pennies, checked my frequent flier mile balance and my hotel travel perks. It was going to be possible...
Monday, fly to NYC- arrive at 11:45pm
Tuesday, travel into the city to explore, adventurize and enjoy a little entertainment. I saw Times Square, again.
I saw a funky cathedral for the first time (Even went inside and it didn't explode from the added weight of all my evilness.)
After a hefty dinner, joined the queue.
Here's the poster in the window of the venue.
Roseland Ballroom, capacity 3200ish
We get there early, buy some schwag and take a place in the crowd. On the rail Stage Right, immediately in front of Don Letts. Normally I spend my time on the Stage Left side of the stage, a habit I picked up watching New Order and Love and Rockets in the 1980s. I can make an exception.
Gig was played.
Band was good.
I sang every word and according to the people around me, giggled like a schoolgirl throughout the show.
Last year, after being yelled at for not singing by Johnny Rotten, I resolved to sing more at gigs.
Even danced a little.
This is the biggest thing I could have ever seen, the last possible thing on my list that I've never seen (I'd love to see Joy Division or The Clash, but the dead guys prevent that.)
Picked up a piece of personalized schwag, wandered out into the street and stumbled home.
I am reminded of my audition for 'The Sound of Music' in 1988, when Chester and I auditioned with a rocking version of 'C'mon Every Beatbox.' garnering both a standing ovation from the audition audience and offers of leading roles in the play. (For the record, CW played Mick Jones and I was Don Letts)
I never got to do things like this until I separated myself from the influence of my parental units. I feel compelled to do things like this now.
It soothes a wound that I can't describe.
And the wound is closing. Drying up. Shrinking. If I keep it up I'll be all fixed up just in time to die of old age or unfortunate circumstances.
Out.
A short timeline:
I was into Michael Jackson and the top 40 of the day back in 1983 or so. The top 40 then was a strange mishmash of country, rock, new wave, prog-rock, rap and soul.
Somehow got a clue that I needed to hear this tune 'Tour de France'. I went to Musicland in the mall, the clerks didn't know anything about it, nor could they find it in their huge printed catalog (remember the big yellowbooks?)
A helpful customer pointed out that the song was by a band called 'Craftverk' he also let me know that the store actually had a 12" single in stock. So I bought it. Still have it.
That song was the bridge that showed me there was something more.
The actual song that changed my life was 'Bring on the Dancing Horses', but that's a story that has been told before. I'm thinking now about other things I heard around that time, mostly on KOHS: 'Love Vigilantes' 'Rise' 'South Central Rain' and a couple of strange tunes: 'E=MC2' and 'Medicine Show' by a strange band called Big Audio Dynamite. I knew there was some kind of famous guy in this band, but I didn't know who/how/why it mattered. B.A.D. quickly became one of my favorites.
Fast Forward about 9 years, I still loved B.A.D... Time to name my kids. The first boy was easy: Ian. That's the name of so many people I admire and respect.
The second came pretty easy as well. Mick Jones. (Actually he's Jon Mickay, but from birth intended to call him Mick- then he became Jon- although he still answers to Mick)
Mick Jones (that lives at my house) is 16 now.
Mick Jones (from The Clash, B.A.D. and Carbon/Silicon) is 55 now, a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for his work with The Clash, and still lives in London.
Mick was convinced to bring B.A.D. back to life to play some festivals this year. The first date announced was Coachella in California- The remainder of the US tour was merely 2 dates: LA and New York.
I got an email from someone close to the band (I'm on some mailing lists and have communicated with people involved with this group a few times over the years) that there were still a few tickets available for the NYC show on April 19, 2011.
I quickly counted up my pennies, checked my frequent flier mile balance and my hotel travel perks. It was going to be possible...
Monday, fly to NYC- arrive at 11:45pm
Tuesday, travel into the city to explore, adventurize and enjoy a little entertainment. I saw Times Square, again.
I saw a funky cathedral for the first time (Even went inside and it didn't explode from the added weight of all my evilness.)
After a hefty dinner, joined the queue.
Here's the poster in the window of the venue.
Roseland Ballroom, capacity 3200ish
We get there early, buy some schwag and take a place in the crowd. On the rail Stage Right, immediately in front of Don Letts. Normally I spend my time on the Stage Left side of the stage, a habit I picked up watching New Order and Love and Rockets in the 1980s. I can make an exception.
Gig was played.
Band was good.
I sang every word and according to the people around me, giggled like a schoolgirl throughout the show.
Last year, after being yelled at for not singing by Johnny Rotten, I resolved to sing more at gigs.
Even danced a little.
This is the biggest thing I could have ever seen, the last possible thing on my list that I've never seen (I'd love to see Joy Division or The Clash, but the dead guys prevent that.)
Picked up a piece of personalized schwag, wandered out into the street and stumbled home.
I am reminded of my audition for 'The Sound of Music' in 1988, when Chester and I auditioned with a rocking version of 'C'mon Every Beatbox.' garnering both a standing ovation from the audition audience and offers of leading roles in the play. (For the record, CW played Mick Jones and I was Don Letts)
I never got to do things like this until I separated myself from the influence of my parental units. I feel compelled to do things like this now.
It soothes a wound that I can't describe.
And the wound is closing. Drying up. Shrinking. If I keep it up I'll be all fixed up just in time to die of old age or unfortunate circumstances.
Out.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Chasing The Dragon
Every now and then, something comes up that I feel like I must jump at.
At work, I collect frequent flier miles, free flights, hotel credits and stuff like that.
I am chasing a plug for the empty hole, the overwhelming sense that I missed out on something in the past.
Certain things happen and I feel gutted that I can't be a part of them.
So now I'm blessed (cursed?) to be able to chase these moments.
I have run off to LA for frivolous reasons. I have spent considerable time in Portland for fun. 10 years ago I picked up and wandered out to the middle of nowheres in George, WA to see something that wasn't ever supposed to happen.
And I'm on one of these trips right now. Headed to the Apple. The big one that is. To do something that is so very important to my peace of mind.
At work, I collect frequent flier miles, free flights, hotel credits and stuff like that.
I am chasing a plug for the empty hole, the overwhelming sense that I missed out on something in the past.
Certain things happen and I feel gutted that I can't be a part of them.
So now I'm blessed (cursed?) to be able to chase these moments.
I have run off to LA for frivolous reasons. I have spent considerable time in Portland for fun. 10 years ago I picked up and wandered out to the middle of nowheres in George, WA to see something that wasn't ever supposed to happen.
And I'm on one of these trips right now. Headed to the Apple. The big one that is. To do something that is so very important to my peace of mind.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
C You Next Tuesday
"Take me to the place where the healing flows."
indeed.
The Bucket List gets shorter, as does the "Never Gonna Happen" list.
"Good morning Sodom and Gomorrah, Good morning sinners."
Ever since the strange samples of E=MC² and Medicine Show entered my brain have I wanted to see B.A.D. Now, a lifetime later, I get a chance.
"A dance to the tune of economic decline."
indeed.
I will return and report.
indeed.
The Bucket List gets shorter, as does the "Never Gonna Happen" list.
"Good morning Sodom and Gomorrah, Good morning sinners."
Ever since the strange samples of E=MC² and Medicine Show entered my brain have I wanted to see B.A.D. Now, a lifetime later, I get a chance.
"A dance to the tune of economic decline."
indeed.
I will return and report.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Candy
I need to stop eating Reese's Pieces.
I've always been a mild consumer of Reese's Pieces, dating back to my adolescence. We used to ingest Reeses Piece's during church meetings, on Friday evenings, on special occasions.
I remember a few occasions that we snarfed huge quantities of Reeses Piece's during lunch, which left us completely unable to attend our Seminary classes following lunch.
I remember an occasion where a couple of my friends expressed concern about my intake of Reese's Pieces and threatened to stage an intervention.
Lately, I've increased my intake rate of Reeses Piece's. For some reason, everywhere I go I have been seeing Reese's Pieces and people are offering me Reese's Pieces and I seem to go places where people love to eat Reese's Pieces.
I spent a fair amount of 2010 under the influence of Reese's Pieces, sometimes gobbling them at lunchtime, after work, with dinner and during after-dinner recreation.
Reese's Pieces contributed in a large way to me gaining 15 pounds last year. And with this weight gain, I find myself being much more sedentary. I'm turning into a sloth and I blame Reese's Pieces.
On some occasions Reese's Pieces have brought me to the bring of death.
I figure I have spent nearly $15,000 on Reese's Pieces in the last 12 months.
In the last few days, I've found myself thinking about Reese's Pieces from the moment I wake up until the late night just as I drift off to sleep. Somehow I think this obsession is somewhat unhealthy.
So I'm going to have to stop eating them. In fact, I'm already a week into my quitting.
It is going to require a reassessment of my social circles. It's going to cost me some friends. I hope it doesn't make me an unpleasant person.
Reese's Pieces have messed me up in a way that I didn't think possible.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Ouch.
Thursday, December 16, 2010 1:00pm
Tour a production at the Provo Tabernacle. A good friend is the audio guy and he wants to show off his toys. Walk through the building. See some things I've never seen done there before. Express concern to my tour-mates. Neglect to express concern to anyone else.
Head back to work. Don't think anything more of it.
Friday, December 17, 2010 4:25am
Wake up to the sound of the Mrs. heading off to work (This happens most mornings- she slams the door, I wake up.) Grab my phone, for some reason I dial up the internet and head over to KSL.com. Headline: Provo Tabernacle on fire. Instantly I think: "Those guys ran some bad cabling or left something plugged in and it sparked some dry fuel into a blaze.
I grab my camera and head over to take a picture or two- thinking I can head to work for a few minutes before the kiddies get up at 7:00.
5:54 am- Picture taken as I stand across the street. it looks pretty bad, but it seems they have it under control.
5:56am- Picture taken as I still stand across the street. Only this time the entire roof has collapsed, taking down the gables and most of the stained glass. I described the sound and my feelings on the matter in a blog post, linked below. Still reverberating in my ears, over 3 months later.
I determine that I'm going to hang out until I have to go be a parent. I begin to walk the perimeter of the building the best I can.
6:40am- I talk to my friend Roger- the generator technician for the production- who has been here most of the night watching this happen. He lets me know that the generators were off at 11pm and the cabling for them had been put into the building and secured. He's visibly shaken, possibly in shock. We talk about the sentimental losses. A bunch of firefighters walk by just as Roger and I are discussing the sketchy rigging and lighting services for the production- one of the firefighters stops in his tracks. He doesn't talk to me, but continues walking.
7:00am- I run home to be a parent. Wake the kids, make lunches.
7:29am- Kids leave. I download all my pictures to my computer. Start writing a blog post.
8:09am- Post blog post. Post about blog post on Facebook.
8:32am- Post a couple Facebook posts about the incident.
Fast Forward to March 31, 2011 10:10am
Provo Fire Marshall releases the final report on his findings and research into the cause and circumstance of the fire.
10:41am- I read the Executive Summary report. On page 3 I see a picture that takes my breath away. It is the Tabernacle exactly as I remember it from the afternoon of 12/16. How exactly? I'm in the picture. In the group of people in the lower right. And the thing that makes me sick is that we are talking about the sketchy techniques being employed in the production. Including someone pointing at the ceiling.
Basic production ethics and respect has always dictated that you don't question other production teams on their techniques unless you see evidence of safety hazards or gross misuse of equipment. If I had gone into the attic that day, as I felt I should, I would have raised a huge stink about what I saw. And the Provo Tabernacle would still be intact.
Now, I'm forced to raise a stink about any kind of crappy production techniques I see. Be prepared, because I'm gonna get a reputation for being the cranky know-it-all guy that gets in people's face about safety and procedures.
I can't have this on my conscience again. Once is bad enough.
I've been spanked.
Tour a production at the Provo Tabernacle. A good friend is the audio guy and he wants to show off his toys. Walk through the building. See some things I've never seen done there before. Express concern to my tour-mates. Neglect to express concern to anyone else.
Head back to work. Don't think anything more of it.
Friday, December 17, 2010 4:25am
Wake up to the sound of the Mrs. heading off to work (This happens most mornings- she slams the door, I wake up.) Grab my phone, for some reason I dial up the internet and head over to KSL.com. Headline: Provo Tabernacle on fire. Instantly I think: "Those guys ran some bad cabling or left something plugged in and it sparked some dry fuel into a blaze.
I grab my camera and head over to take a picture or two- thinking I can head to work for a few minutes before the kiddies get up at 7:00.
5:54 am- Picture taken as I stand across the street. it looks pretty bad, but it seems they have it under control.
5:56am- Picture taken as I still stand across the street. Only this time the entire roof has collapsed, taking down the gables and most of the stained glass. I described the sound and my feelings on the matter in a blog post, linked below. Still reverberating in my ears, over 3 months later.
I determine that I'm going to hang out until I have to go be a parent. I begin to walk the perimeter of the building the best I can.
6:40am- I talk to my friend Roger- the generator technician for the production- who has been here most of the night watching this happen. He lets me know that the generators were off at 11pm and the cabling for them had been put into the building and secured. He's visibly shaken, possibly in shock. We talk about the sentimental losses. A bunch of firefighters walk by just as Roger and I are discussing the sketchy rigging and lighting services for the production- one of the firefighters stops in his tracks. He doesn't talk to me, but continues walking.
7:00am- I run home to be a parent. Wake the kids, make lunches.
7:29am- Kids leave. I download all my pictures to my computer. Start writing a blog post.
8:09am- Post blog post. Post about blog post on Facebook.
8:32am- Post a couple Facebook posts about the incident.
Fast Forward to March 31, 2011 10:10am
Provo Fire Marshall releases the final report on his findings and research into the cause and circumstance of the fire.
10:41am- I read the Executive Summary report. On page 3 I see a picture that takes my breath away. It is the Tabernacle exactly as I remember it from the afternoon of 12/16. How exactly? I'm in the picture. In the group of people in the lower right. And the thing that makes me sick is that we are talking about the sketchy techniques being employed in the production. Including someone pointing at the ceiling.
Basic production ethics and respect has always dictated that you don't question other production teams on their techniques unless you see evidence of safety hazards or gross misuse of equipment. If I had gone into the attic that day, as I felt I should, I would have raised a huge stink about what I saw. And the Provo Tabernacle would still be intact.
Now, I'm forced to raise a stink about any kind of crappy production techniques I see. Be prepared, because I'm gonna get a reputation for being the cranky know-it-all guy that gets in people's face about safety and procedures.
I can't have this on my conscience again. Once is bad enough.
I've been spanked.
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