STOP IT!

I'm getting pretty sick and tired of my friends and family hacking themselves.
Now, I know the world is a cruel place. And I know that health problems can drive a person into despair. Addiction and neurosis can drive people over the edge.
But for hell's sake: think about us back here. We don't want to have to clean up your mess. We don't want to be the ones to stumble on you. We don't need to be stuck with the guilt and the feeling of failure.
Because I'm sure that you don't mean to throw that stuff at us.

Three times in the last 6 months I've had to mop up (figuratively) this mess. And it's getting old.
Danny, I hardly knew you- you were my much older cousin, a tanned specimen of 1970s fashion the last time we hung out. I don't know what your life path was, you lived far away and we only ever spoke at funerals and the rarest of family functions. I have no idea what went wrong. And I feel guilt for that.
James, I'm mad at you. You broke the deal, it was your idea that I should have kids and raise them up. It was you that planted the seed in my mind that I could dream up a life bigger than my dealt cards indicated. You painted the picture of the multi-generational Wallaparties, with grandparents and great-grandparents bouncing babies on their knee and telling stories of the great "King and I" adventures of 1987. We were planning that stuff together, but you were secretly withdrawing and planning your own endgame.
Robert. This one's pretty recent. I'm not prepared to play 'Mother Hen' to my co-workers in issues like this- that is way way WAY out of my job description. You managed to survive cancer twice. In a way, you were living on borrowed time. For 15 years. I'm glad that you were able to see your kids grow up. They seem to be happy and healthy, we'll look after them. In a way it's not fair that in kicking your disease you hooked up with pills. But you had a strange ability to kick the addiction too. Was the current round of sick too much for you? Did you fear the addiction coming back? I'm glad I was able to see you just before you wandered off into the mountains. They said your frozen face had a smile on it. When I wished you a happy new year I meant it. If this makes you happier, I guess I'm glad for you. But I'm feeling overwhelmed by the residual issues. Did I do anything to make you feel like you didn't need to hang around? I find joy, as I'm sure you would, in the irony that they had to thaw you for the autopsy and now they have to thaw the ground to bury you. I'm sure you'd say it's all a big waste of hot air.

So I've had the perfect trio of self-destructive acquaintances this year: Family, Friend and Work.

And it sucks hard.