1,2,3,4

1. You started it all. I traveled roads unknown and discovered things about the world which previously I could not comprehend.
As things disintegrated, I found myself behaving very badly for a number of years. At one point, you just drove away and disappeared.
I can't help but think that things are better the way they turned out.

2. Toward the end of the bad years, you were there for me. But time was always short. I think we always knew that it was temporary.
You flew away and never came back.

3. Someone I've always wanted but can never have. Again, things are better this way.

4. You came along, we made a pact to fight the dragons together. Still at it. I'm no knight in shining armor, but doing what I can.

I could keep counting for days. Things in my mind are arranged into lists and categories and interconnected relationships. Everyone I've encountered has offered some kind of value and takeaway contribution to my life experience.

As I approach the crest of the hill, I can't help but look at everything in hindsight, as the clarity is so great that direction. "They say life makes sense backwards, only you've gotta live it forward."

Rolling on, pushing forward.

Funked out

Lately I've been pretty bummed out.

I was looking forward to a good long summer of hard work and U2 concerts- starting with the tour opener in Salt Lake City on June 3rd. Hoping to get to a couple more shows around the US and perhaps in Europe this summer/fall.



But alas- Bongo had to go hurt himself. Cancel the entire US tour.

May 21, as the news broke, the show had already started building in the SLC stadium. At first I took it personally because only SLC was canceled. 4 days later other dates were canned. The early cancellation of SLC was surely to explain why construction of the stage was being reversed.

Now they're saying that there will be shows next year. I remain skeptical- they are all really old. At some point things just stop being worth it.

If the next tour is Bonzo in a wheelchair croaking his way through a greatest hits package, I want a refund.
If they are going to slow down, they might as well stop now.
If this is the end, and it very well could be, what does it mean?

My favorite U2 song (and song in general) is 'Bad'
'Bad' has been played live by U2 475 times. Starting in October of 1984 and most recently played at Soldier Field in Chicago on 9-12-2009. That's the night I had impulsively grabbed my lady and said 'Let's go to Chicago to see a show or two.'
What if they never play 'Bad' again?
'Pride (in the name of love)' was also played for the last time that night. That's the song U2 has played the most over the years- a total of 773 times. It suddenly disappeared and hasn't returned.
"40"- 483 x. Last time was after 'Bad' in Chicago. How long can we sing this song?
'All I Want is You' has only been played 285 times live, but the last time? December 2006 in Hawaii. Yeah. I was there. Feeling a bit guilty.
'Bullet the Blue Sky'? Same night.
'I Will Follow'? (the #2 song on the list at 768) Hawaii.
"Miss Sarajevo'? Honolulu.
'The Fly' Same.

I'm killing them.

Heart Attack

Morning sounds like birdies chirping. A short but restful night's sleep. A few little slivers of light are peeking in beyond your blackout curtains.

Sometimes I hear your alarm as you get up to go to work. Not today.
Sometimes your morning preparation stirs me. Not today.

I look over and see your head asleep on the pillow. Strange- there's light outside. I check my clock- it's 5:45am. You are late.
I don't want to wake you if you have called in sick.
I stay in bed for a few seconds, I don't hear you breathing. I sit still for what seems like hours, but still hear nothing. 30 seconds later I get up.

Walking to the bathroom, my head is pounding. I don't dare look back. Long minutes of turmoil in the lavatory and I think I'm ready.
Walking out- I crumble to the fear, turning the other way, I embrace the wall.
Walking up and down the hall, I can't bring myself to touch you.
Walking to the window, I see that your car is gone. Your purse too.

Morning sounds like exhaustion, having aged a decade in five minutes.

They're Advertising in the Skies for People Like Us

I sit in a darkened ballroom in Manhattan.
People file in, the music pumps from a JBL PA system.
The energy grows in the room, as these technology people come here to learn something new about a product.
The song playing is about these people. City of Blinding Lights

1300 New Yorkers. All walking into work just like they do everyday.

9 years ago, they could have died, for nothing more than walking into a room. They all certainly lost friends, family, neighbors.

These are strong people, they are good people. But there's a look in their eyes that I can't comprehend.
It's not defeat.
It's not distrust.
It's not hostility.
It's not happiness.
Something about this place, these people has been permanently changed.
The NYC defining moment of this generation, perhaps of all time was 9/11 at 8:46 am.

They appear wounded. They have a deep pain that will never leave. Why do they exist? How is the present different from the past?

Thinking about this, I start down the path of self-examination.

What was my 9/11?

We Get To Carry Each Other

I am honestly excited and honored to be a part of the impending changes to the US healthcare system.
The old system- corrupt, bloated and inefficient- needs to be put away. New ideas, reorganization and fresh thinking must be the future.


We get a chance to live it.
And I'm really excited about that. "...We get to carry each other..."

I am shocked at the reaction so many self-proclaimed Christians have had to this. It's like they feel that charity is only charity if it's their idea.
Well I'm of the opinion that making it a more mandatory (or universal) system makes it more fair. Everyone pays into it via taxes. People that can afford it will also pay into the insurance plans. Less fortunate people will have the same chances of decent medical care as the wealthy.
And that's the way it should be.

I hope to see the time that the poor, the minorities, the HIV positive, the cancer survivors, the women who have difficulty with fertility, the diabetics and the lepers will no longer be denied service. That time is close at hand.

"...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me...."

It's not OK for us to bankrupt Jesus and let him die in pain.

I'm still here

Just kinda busy.

I have plenty of ideas for blog posts, but they usually get whisked away in impulsive acts of Facebook status posting.

I will strive to do better.

-self criticizing as usual-

~P

Into The Black

I feel like I'm shouting into the darkness here.
In a strange way, the only reason I write here is for some kind of affirmation that I am not alone here in this deafening silence.